Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
