I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
