I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
