Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
