90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
