dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
