Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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