Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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