Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
