so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
