Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
