there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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