Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
