My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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