You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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