yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
