I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
