someone get that fucking seahorse.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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