Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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