it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
