One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
