Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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