I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
