I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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