new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
