I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
