Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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