Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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