i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize