In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
