Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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