I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
