so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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