Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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