Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
