apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
