White coat. Heels.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
