i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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