At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
