Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
