i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
