yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
