At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
