I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
