By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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