Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
