Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
