He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
