distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
