My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
