Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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