I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
last night I used snow as a chaser
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
