I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
