tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
