I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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