come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He kissed a someone with a penis
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
