Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
