everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize