just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
