why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
