are you so shy because you have an std?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
