My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
