i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In other news, I just burned my penis
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize