did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
