I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
