So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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