My first STD was from a foam party
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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