Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
