no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
