If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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