jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
