If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize