I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
