tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
