walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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