You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
