if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Im part way to drunk.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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