You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
