No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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