I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
MIDGETS
????
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
