there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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